As you grow up you will learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back. Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

I’ve never been big on making a resolution for the sake of it being January 1st. I don’t like forcing myself to make a change on a given day every year. All year round I reflect on the person that I am and the person that I want to be, and I set goals and make changes when necessary. Thats why it’s January 4th, and I’m in my bed scrolling through Facebook. My “resolution” came to me without the pressure of thinking of a new year’s resolution. My heart had the freedom to feel, and to speak up when it wanted to, not when it had to.

It told me to love myself more. To give myself credit when credit is due. To believe in my dreams, and to work persistently to reach them. To let go of my losses and defeats, and to hold onto my gains and successes tighter. To wake up and look in the mirror and have confidence in my inner and outer self. To know what I have to offer the world, and to jump at opportunities that the world offers me. To be proud of who I am. To have faith in the decisions that I make. To live more in the moment, and to have hope in the future.

Thank you for being my first love.

Lovers love

Why do we so often compare our previous relationships to our current one? Our ex-lovers to our lover? Shouldn’t we be looking for ways they are different? The similarities that we draw are illusions, and we are just fooling ourselves. No two people are the same. No two relationship is the same. So stop comparing them. Make new love, and leave old love behind.

Starry Eyed

I wish I was better at handling loss.

I wish I could accept that people die like flowers

and that lovers move on like the wind.

But I can’t. Because I feel. 

I feel with all of the stars in the sky.

And even the stars fall sometimes.

 

 

I wonder

if I’ll ever read a poem and not think about you.

Everything everywhere

I think of you in everything I do. When I’m going to sleep, I’m wishing that you’re lying next to me like you used to. When I’m showering, I’m imagining your body against mine in a way that only yours can be. When I’m driving, every song that is playing through my speakers reminds me of you. When I’m at school, I’m reminded of you walking me from class to class with my hand wrapped around your arm like we did in high school. When I drink, I want you drinking with me so I can enjoy the night with you, but instead I’m drinking so I can forget the night because you’re not there. When I eat, I wonder what you would be eating if you were there, across the table, like you should be. When I laugh, I see your face in my head, laughing hysterically like you used to when you’d do silly things like tickle me and I’d get “upset.” When I work, every time I hear a man’s voice I pray it’s yours coming through the door to surprise me, even though I know every time that it’s not. Everything I do, every thought that I have, everyone I see, every little thing is you. I don’t know how it could be, but you’re a permanent part of me and I love you for that. Knowing that I can’t love you as anything more.

-LC

Losing You

“There is not one person in this world that could take your place.”

“Our love for one another is going to keep us strong and together forever.”

“I love you with all of my heart and I truly believe that you are the one I’m going to be with for the rest of my life.”

I never thought the words that you said would mean nothing one day. But that day arrived and it was hard. But the next day was even harder. And the day after that was even harder. Because losing someone doesn’t just happen once. It happens over and over again, triggered by memories, sounds, pictures, people, places, songs and everything in between. I lose you every time I see your shirts in my drawer. And then I wear them to bed, because that’s all I have left of you. I lose you every time I hear the rumble of a loud exhaust, hoping that it’s you coming to surprise me like you used to. My heart sinks when I realize it’s just another truck passing by. I lose you when something good happens, and I wish I could call you and tell you. But I can’t. I lose you when I wake up in the morning, after seeing you in my dreams, knowing that you aren’t really here. I lose you when I dance on stage, looking for your face in the crowd, even though I know it isn’t there. Just when I think I can’t lose you any more, I do, and part of myself is gone too.

The day that I lost you was just the beginning of losing you.

Thank you.

I always knew I liked to write, and I wanted to get better, but I never took the time to practice. I didn’t love writing, because I loved you.

I always knew I loved to dance, and I was good at it, but I never knew why.

Losing you helped me find the emotion in dance.

Losing you helped me find the patience to write.

It wasn’t until I lost you, that writing and dance were all I had left. They were my crutches, and I was a broken bone. Every part of me destroyed. I wrote down every word I couldn’t say to you. I danced every step for you.

Losing you helped me find myself.